What Else for a Monday?

Out of ten different levels of difficulty, I am a natural champion of chess at level two on the computer. I hope to change this with a newly found amount of time at my disposal, and a book which supposedly teaches one how to be a better chess player.

Although I have gathered a wealth of information from the book I'm reading, applying my newly obtained knowledge has yet to show itself to a great level of observation. I continue to make ridiculous mistakes, like placing my Queen at the cross hairs of two Rooks. What was I thinking? Probably something along the lines of, "if those two Rooks weren't there, that would've been an awesome move!"

It's a tough book to read though. I've never had to multitask while reading a book. You can't learn the concepts of what the book is discussing unless you're following along with a chessboard. It's handy to have a computer with chess on it as resetting and undoing are done with the click of a button.

Any way, in time my skills will be amazing, as will my idiotic mistakes.

I heard someone died today after driving their segway off a cliff. I'm not sure if this was a suicide, or someone thought they had an updated flying version of a segway, which does not exist. I give this individual points for creativity, but dock him points for stupidity. After the tally, I see him no different in my eyes than before I heard the story.

Yes, I give points to people for their spectacular deaths. Cold? Maybe. But I learn from their failures. Or maybe I don't. It would never occur to me to be a good idea to drive a segway off a cliff.

Now I must go and pour some gasoline down my chimney to get ready for the winter.

I Would State the Obvious

One thing I have noticed about Food Network is that is doesn't really teach or show you how to cook. At least not entirely. You can certainly get a pretty good damn certainty about things and you might be able to impress your parents or your dog if cooking is not something that's a high priority in your life. What Food Network does, I think, is show who good cooks are and who bad cooks are. For example, Sandra Lee is a terrible cook.

Rachel Ray is an Oprah wannabe. Just an Oprah with food. She can't start a show called "Rachel's Vacation" put it on the air and say that is her vacation. She's working. It's not a vacation. Also she doesn't have to bore me any more by showing me these great places she's visiting and touring because she's so successful with her crappy cooking.

Someone who cooks is Alton Brown. Not only does he cook, but explains the scientific processes involved on why it tastes good. That's like having a science teacher who knows science and explains it, instead of just reading from the book and when asked, "Why?" they retort, "We'll get to that later."

As far as Anthony Bourdain, I'm pretty sure I watch him just to see if he is going to sleep with some random local. I still have to figure out why he has a disclaimer before his show. Are people who watch Food Network overly sensitive? Can they not take some gruff, older cook who detests some of the younger generation polluting his field of art?

Ina Garten can cook, but I get really tired of her walks and her friends and that garden of vegetables.

Bobby Flay. Flay? Really? That's his last name? I can't stand him. He sticks to traditional styles and loses to every competition he is in on his show. How come I can't have a show off this format?

That Hot Italian girl. That's it. I just watch her. I have no memory of what she has prepared or cooked. I remember once she licked chocolate off her fingers. That was a good episode.

Julia Child most certainly can cook but she appears to be a disaster waiting to happen, like everything is going to crash to the floor and she'll use her kitchen towel to clean everything up and throw it in the oven.

It's almost Tuesday, that was close.

Flash of Credentials

I'm not sure how much I have today.

With my my wisdom teeth removal I was graced with a prescription of Vicodin. Although I feel no pain and the buzzed feeling I get is certainly appreciated, it leaves my mind mostly empty. Although it won't say so on the bottle, I'm confident a severe side effect is playing Chess like a little girl plays with her doll house. Although I've barely written one paragraph, I've already made several mistakes.

And to think I've gone to work on this stuff. The amount I accomplished while there was impressive now that I'm reflecting upon my present state.

Don't worry, there was no driving while on Vicodin. I either took it after I got to work or after I got home. Just to suppress all the fears of those worrywarts out there.

Since Colleen and I have both had our wisdom teeth removed, the narcotics that are in our possession is the most I think either one of us have ever had. The profit value isn't nearly enough to run the risk of getting caught, so we'll most likely take it to Europe with us as a precaution. If someone sprains an ankle some Vicodin would come in handy.

I usually don't blog about work and I won't go into specifics, but for those of you who work with me, I've made a haiku to commemorate this event.

You Have Been Beat Out
Infantile Behavior
You Are Dead To Me

And with the Vicodin, I've got nothing left.