Across the Beaten Path

So, I've been doing a lot of traveling lately, and there are a few things I've noticed.

First, flying is a pain, but I've already covered this. But what I want to know is, is flying a pain for terrorists? Besides the knowledge that the plane will explode at their own hands, which is unfortunate, with the amount of attempts they make, they have to come across the same delays the rest of us do. And whether you intend to land safely, or cause widespread panic, any delay might prove to be frustrating.

So here's my idea: Whenever the FBI, CIA, U.S. Marshals or whoever predicts a terrorist is going to blow up a plane, I don't think they should arrest him. They should certainly stop him, but not arrest him. First you have him board the plane, along with everyone else to make him think everything is fine. Then you have him sit on the tarmac for two hours. To try and alleviate any inconvenience, the plane plays one episode of "Joey" really loud over and over again. Then have all the passengers get off the plane, back into the terminal, including the terrorist. Conveniently manage it so the terrorist is sitting in the terminal somewhat isolated from everyone else. Then have someone in a clown suit come by and make balloon animals, right next to him. Try to sell him some. Then have two kids come by screaming about whatever, without any parental guidance. Preferably one of these kids should be dressed up in an American Flag. Then have someone dressed up as Muhammad walk by him, just to see if he reacts. Regardless of any reaction, have another person come up to the Muhammad lookalike dressed up as Uncle Sam. They should get into a verbal altercation until Uncle Sam pulls out two American Flags and wave them around. Then Muhammad should run away like a coward. If the terrorist ever tries to get up to move away, just have an officer come by and tell him he has to remain there due to a security threat.

Do everything you can think of to annoy the bastard. Because terrorists expect to die, or expect to get caught. But they don't expect for the ever loving piss to be annoyed out of them. We're at war with the assholes, we might as well have some fun with it.

No Smoking While Reading

I'm serious, it could be dangerous. You might get cancer.

I'm really glad I'm traveling. Over the holidays most people tend to gain weight. That was a problem I've avoided until this 25th Christmas when the pounds were slowly gaining on me. My weight loss plan is to backpack across Europe. It seems to be working.

Ireland seems to have a...not populated feel to it. And that is true. On the entire island there are six million people. They consider Dublin to be a big city, which it is to an extent. But when you've been to places like Seattle, San Francisco, New York and Atlanta, it's almost laughable. To put it in perspective, New York City has more people, than there are inhabitants on the entire island of Ireland. And there is a feel of everyone knows everyone. Dubliners don't really know each other. They have the same rate as every other person who lives in a big city. They're on there way to some place, don't bother them, but a quick question isn't too troublesome if you need help.

But in areas like Donegal County, they won't just tell you directions, they'll stick you in their car and take you there. And I get the sense that everyone knows everyone to the point that you might be talking politics and they'll say, "Yeah, I know the Prime Minister of Ireland. He's an arsehole." And they'll say that not because they disagree with his politics, but because they actually know him. That hasn't happened, but it's more imaginable here, than any other place I've been.

I heard Ricky Gervais was maybe a little too crude on The Golden Globes. First off, a lot of those jokes were really funny. Secondly, Hollywood needs a little jab now and again, and they always get pissed off when they get one. They're not above everyone else. They make mistakes. Charlie Sheen gets drunk and beats women. Who's denying that besides Charlie Sheen? And has anyone really seen The Tourist? I haven't, and my excuse is not because I'm in Europe. I heard it sucks. I'm not intrigued. And the one about the computer generation on the Sex and the City actresses on the poster? Gold!

Just because a comedian shows he has true talent does not mean everyone needs to get all up in arms. Lighten up, Hollywood. You are constantly on stage.