Blogful for the Thanks

I've been away, it is by no means Monday, a hundred things I meant to write on here but the access was not accessable.

While at the airport (a while ago at this point) I was waiting for my flight and I saw something that just barely pushed me over the edge with raising children. I saw a child attached to a lenthy nylon cord for several feet and at the other end was an incompetent adult's hand. This person has chosen that leashing their child is the only way to keep their kid from running around, scraping their knees and getting lost. Things all children should have the oppurtunity to do. This is essentially no different than treating your child like a pet in my opinion. Was this guy going to pick up his child's poop as well? This kid was probably around 5 or 6. Well within the mental capabilities to understand "sit down" or "stay here" without a leash.

I mentioned this to my wife and she defended this person's choice. She indicated the logistical nightmare of losing your child at an airport. Not only have you lost your child, but there are a thousand people around, with a thousand places they could be at and you have a flight to catch. I easily brushed that aside. "Getting lost at an airport just builds great character." I claimed. "Just look at my oldest brother. He got lost at an airport and now he's getting his PhD."
Living proof defeats theory in debate for me. Law defeats theory. And theory defeats made up stuff like religion. This is the hierarchy of debate. It works.

I would love to write some more, but I can't think of anything to say, despite all the times over the last few weeks where I thought, 'I should blog about that.'

Did I say Happy Thanksgiving? Yeah, that too.

Forensics have a clue

I've done a lot of traveling on the road lately, and I am going to share the things that I have seen. I will warn you though, if you are offended by things easily, such as images displayed in classrooms depicting anatomy of nude, faceless individuals, I would urge you to read this and eat lunch at a Hooters.

Shredded tires. I'm not really sure what to say about this. Either the roads here in Montana are unbearable on tires, or the tires are made with the thickness of rubber bands. My tires are fine, therefore I vote for the latter.

Pinecones. Stupid pinecones, you're never going to sprout there.

A fox. An odd and somewhat unsafe place to sleep. The red goo by your gut looked nice and warm though.

Rivets. When I drive over you, my car makes that ppprrrrrrrrffffffff sound. I like that sound.

Oil cans. That person must have really needed to change their oil in a jiffy. I would recommend Jiffy Lube. Otherwise that would be false advertising.

A hitchiker. You are worth 60 points. You've been warned.

Did I mention I was in Montana? Big state. Big sky. I always thought that was horseshit. But that's why I came here. I can think whatever I want, but I'll only know if I see it for myself. The sky here is indescribable. We have mountains in Washington, but they block the sky. It's rude. Here there seems to be an endless field stretching on, but before it hits the horizon a mountain rises. It is the full effect of a mountain view while seeing an enourmous amount of sky. Even while driving it seems like an ocean I'll drive into, or will something that will eventually envelope the road.

But I'm getting off the mentality of my blog. Or am I? This thing is so unknown and yet evolving, like our nation's political system. We'll never figure it out.

Realm of Unknown Ideas

Bienvenidos!

Para Español es mucho gusto de ocho hablamos.

Sorry. This damn spanish keyboard is acting up on me again. I don´t even know what it just had me type. I´m in Mexico, in case you don´t follow my other blog. But why wouldn´t you follow that? It´s full of fun, happiness, quirky stories and all round good will. This, this. . .online drivel interprets a darker chapter of a larger world.

I´m reading a book right now. That does happen from time to time. It is by far one of the most, if not the most, difficult book I´ve read. I wish I could say it was Gravity´s Rainbow, but alas it is not. This book does not seem to follow the rules of grammer I was taught as a child. I´m used to paragraphs being about one topic, one subject, not five subjects involving fifteen characters. Chapters would be nice to have as well, but those come and go as randomly as aforementioned grammatical rules do. I don´t even know if what I´m reading constitutes as English. Maybe a pigeon english. But I get by, understand a word here and there. It´s getting better.

I´m curious to know what the crime rate in Mexico is. That is non drug related crime rate, which may not be measurable. There are numerous cops here in Tulum, and the reason for the number I can only assume, is to make white people like me feel safe. Unfortunately, I´m too paranoid and untrusting to feel that way, but I´m sure it works for the other tourists, who have their hotel safes broken into. But these cops, I really don´t know what they do. They stand around, maybe eye you as you drive by. You´ll think one of them wants to pull you over, but really he´s just driving around with his lights flashing, perhaps to boost the color spectrum here in Tulum.

If you don´t know where Tulum, Mexico is, I would advise you to look at a map. I´ve always been a big proponent of looking at maps, figuring out where exactly you are. I prefer paper maps, but if you must, google maps will suffice. At least the image isn´t distorted on that. If you don´t know where Mexico is, I would advise you to read...anything. I don´t care if it´s a pamplet about Hooters. You need to grab something and stimulate that pink tissue inside your skull.

I´m sweating. Either this typing stuff is grueling work for me, or the temperature here is rising. I think it´s the typing, so I´ll stop now. Maybe it won´t be three weeks before I do this again.

Relentless and Unrelated

There is a commercial out right now that is about the joining of M&M's to a pretzel. I perceive this commercial as nothing more than an amusing anecdote about two characters not being happy about one being put inside another. However, my wife sees it as a homosexual innuendo. She claims that both characters are male. I usually don't attribute genders to snacks, but both do speak with male voices. She also pointed out that neither character is happy about this "joining." I told her in a world where bigotry and un-acceptance of minorities is increasingly looked down upon, I would be surprised if the Mars corporation would knowingly and deliberately place a commercial on the airwaves with homophobic messages. She then teased me by asking if I thought M&M's could not be homosexual. My only response was "Well, I sometimes eat reds with reds." We both laughed and never continued the topic.

I'm really not sure if that commercial is supposed to be an innuendo or not, but if it is, then, like I said, I'm surprised.

I'm just glad we now live in a world where we can openly question the sexuality of an M&M. This would've never have happened in the 1950's.

What Else for a Monday?

Out of ten different levels of difficulty, I am a natural champion of chess at level two on the computer. I hope to change this with a newly found amount of time at my disposal, and a book which supposedly teaches one how to be a better chess player.

Although I have gathered a wealth of information from the book I'm reading, applying my newly obtained knowledge has yet to show itself to a great level of observation. I continue to make ridiculous mistakes, like placing my Queen at the cross hairs of two Rooks. What was I thinking? Probably something along the lines of, "if those two Rooks weren't there, that would've been an awesome move!"

It's a tough book to read though. I've never had to multitask while reading a book. You can't learn the concepts of what the book is discussing unless you're following along with a chessboard. It's handy to have a computer with chess on it as resetting and undoing are done with the click of a button.

Any way, in time my skills will be amazing, as will my idiotic mistakes.

I heard someone died today after driving their segway off a cliff. I'm not sure if this was a suicide, or someone thought they had an updated flying version of a segway, which does not exist. I give this individual points for creativity, but dock him points for stupidity. After the tally, I see him no different in my eyes than before I heard the story.

Yes, I give points to people for their spectacular deaths. Cold? Maybe. But I learn from their failures. Or maybe I don't. It would never occur to me to be a good idea to drive a segway off a cliff.

Now I must go and pour some gasoline down my chimney to get ready for the winter.

I Would State the Obvious

One thing I have noticed about Food Network is that is doesn't really teach or show you how to cook. At least not entirely. You can certainly get a pretty good damn certainty about things and you might be able to impress your parents or your dog if cooking is not something that's a high priority in your life. What Food Network does, I think, is show who good cooks are and who bad cooks are. For example, Sandra Lee is a terrible cook.

Rachel Ray is an Oprah wannabe. Just an Oprah with food. She can't start a show called "Rachel's Vacation" put it on the air and say that is her vacation. She's working. It's not a vacation. Also she doesn't have to bore me any more by showing me these great places she's visiting and touring because she's so successful with her crappy cooking.

Someone who cooks is Alton Brown. Not only does he cook, but explains the scientific processes involved on why it tastes good. That's like having a science teacher who knows science and explains it, instead of just reading from the book and when asked, "Why?" they retort, "We'll get to that later."

As far as Anthony Bourdain, I'm pretty sure I watch him just to see if he is going to sleep with some random local. I still have to figure out why he has a disclaimer before his show. Are people who watch Food Network overly sensitive? Can they not take some gruff, older cook who detests some of the younger generation polluting his field of art?

Ina Garten can cook, but I get really tired of her walks and her friends and that garden of vegetables.

Bobby Flay. Flay? Really? That's his last name? I can't stand him. He sticks to traditional styles and loses to every competition he is in on his show. How come I can't have a show off this format?

That Hot Italian girl. That's it. I just watch her. I have no memory of what she has prepared or cooked. I remember once she licked chocolate off her fingers. That was a good episode.

Julia Child most certainly can cook but she appears to be a disaster waiting to happen, like everything is going to crash to the floor and she'll use her kitchen towel to clean everything up and throw it in the oven.

It's almost Tuesday, that was close.

Flash of Credentials

I'm not sure how much I have today.

With my my wisdom teeth removal I was graced with a prescription of Vicodin. Although I feel no pain and the buzzed feeling I get is certainly appreciated, it leaves my mind mostly empty. Although it won't say so on the bottle, I'm confident a severe side effect is playing Chess like a little girl plays with her doll house. Although I've barely written one paragraph, I've already made several mistakes.

And to think I've gone to work on this stuff. The amount I accomplished while there was impressive now that I'm reflecting upon my present state.

Don't worry, there was no driving while on Vicodin. I either took it after I got to work or after I got home. Just to suppress all the fears of those worrywarts out there.

Since Colleen and I have both had our wisdom teeth removed, the narcotics that are in our possession is the most I think either one of us have ever had. The profit value isn't nearly enough to run the risk of getting caught, so we'll most likely take it to Europe with us as a precaution. If someone sprains an ankle some Vicodin would come in handy.

I usually don't blog about work and I won't go into specifics, but for those of you who work with me, I've made a haiku to commemorate this event.

You Have Been Beat Out
Infantile Behavior
You Are Dead To Me

And with the Vicodin, I've got nothing left.