Across the Beaten Path

So, I've been doing a lot of traveling lately, and there are a few things I've noticed.

First, flying is a pain, but I've already covered this. But what I want to know is, is flying a pain for terrorists? Besides the knowledge that the plane will explode at their own hands, which is unfortunate, with the amount of attempts they make, they have to come across the same delays the rest of us do. And whether you intend to land safely, or cause widespread panic, any delay might prove to be frustrating.

So here's my idea: Whenever the FBI, CIA, U.S. Marshals or whoever predicts a terrorist is going to blow up a plane, I don't think they should arrest him. They should certainly stop him, but not arrest him. First you have him board the plane, along with everyone else to make him think everything is fine. Then you have him sit on the tarmac for two hours. To try and alleviate any inconvenience, the plane plays one episode of "Joey" really loud over and over again. Then have all the passengers get off the plane, back into the terminal, including the terrorist. Conveniently manage it so the terrorist is sitting in the terminal somewhat isolated from everyone else. Then have someone in a clown suit come by and make balloon animals, right next to him. Try to sell him some. Then have two kids come by screaming about whatever, without any parental guidance. Preferably one of these kids should be dressed up in an American Flag. Then have someone dressed up as Muhammad walk by him, just to see if he reacts. Regardless of any reaction, have another person come up to the Muhammad lookalike dressed up as Uncle Sam. They should get into a verbal altercation until Uncle Sam pulls out two American Flags and wave them around. Then Muhammad should run away like a coward. If the terrorist ever tries to get up to move away, just have an officer come by and tell him he has to remain there due to a security threat.

Do everything you can think of to annoy the bastard. Because terrorists expect to die, or expect to get caught. But they don't expect for the ever loving piss to be annoyed out of them. We're at war with the assholes, we might as well have some fun with it.

No Smoking While Reading

I'm serious, it could be dangerous. You might get cancer.

I'm really glad I'm traveling. Over the holidays most people tend to gain weight. That was a problem I've avoided until this 25th Christmas when the pounds were slowly gaining on me. My weight loss plan is to backpack across Europe. It seems to be working.

Ireland seems to have a...not populated feel to it. And that is true. On the entire island there are six million people. They consider Dublin to be a big city, which it is to an extent. But when you've been to places like Seattle, San Francisco, New York and Atlanta, it's almost laughable. To put it in perspective, New York City has more people, than there are inhabitants on the entire island of Ireland. And there is a feel of everyone knows everyone. Dubliners don't really know each other. They have the same rate as every other person who lives in a big city. They're on there way to some place, don't bother them, but a quick question isn't too troublesome if you need help.

But in areas like Donegal County, they won't just tell you directions, they'll stick you in their car and take you there. And I get the sense that everyone knows everyone to the point that you might be talking politics and they'll say, "Yeah, I know the Prime Minister of Ireland. He's an arsehole." And they'll say that not because they disagree with his politics, but because they actually know him. That hasn't happened, but it's more imaginable here, than any other place I've been.

I heard Ricky Gervais was maybe a little too crude on The Golden Globes. First off, a lot of those jokes were really funny. Secondly, Hollywood needs a little jab now and again, and they always get pissed off when they get one. They're not above everyone else. They make mistakes. Charlie Sheen gets drunk and beats women. Who's denying that besides Charlie Sheen? And has anyone really seen The Tourist? I haven't, and my excuse is not because I'm in Europe. I heard it sucks. I'm not intrigued. And the one about the computer generation on the Sex and the City actresses on the poster? Gold!

Just because a comedian shows he has true talent does not mean everyone needs to get all up in arms. Lighten up, Hollywood. You are constantly on stage.

Perhaps Ox Power?

Horses really are quite beautiful, and powerful, animals. Whenever I get near one I can just imagine the destructive force that thing could deliver. And it seems to follow naturally that it occurred to someone thousands of years ago, that you could ride one. Horses have been tremendously useful and quite influential in our history. Imagine battles without cavalry, cowboys and Indians without horses, and let's not forget about Incitatus, the first horse to be considered a Roman Consul. At least we hope he was the first horse for that, and the last for that matter.

But there's one thing that sticks out that seems a bit odd to me. Do we really have to measure how powerful our engines are in horsepower? Isn't that just a bit redundant? I could see how back in the day it was relevant. I could see a car salesman saying, "Yeah, you got yerself a horse alright, but how about 22 horses? Ya got that? This thingamabob is equal to 22 horses, and ya don't even need to feed it!" Great sales pitch. If this was 1910.

But it is now 2010 (almost 2011). My Honda Civic has 198 horsepower. I'm really glad to know that if I strapped nearly 200 horses to the front of my car, I could save on gas and go just as fast. I hope people are beginning to see what I'm getting at. It's a useless measurement, and yet we keep using it. And it is so prevalent. Even NASA scientists still use it. Do we really need to know that the main engines of the space shuttle had 37 million horsepower? Has anyone ever seen 37 million horses at one time? What does this prove? I guess I can imagine strapping 37 million horses into a giant rubber band so I could go to space, but that's a lot of truck fulls of hay, not to mention all the horseshit. My launchpad would consist of nothing but manure. The sheer mechanics of all this is mind boggling. So why do we do it? Isn't there some other system we could come up with? How about Model T's? Or my car? Can't we just take 200 horsepower and call it 1 Car? It's a pretty even ratio. Not too hard to figure out. Easier than converting miles to kilometers.

Thingamabob is actually a word?

The Tide of My Fingers

As I'm home for awhile it's time for me to get back into the blogging habit of mine.

Now that it is the holidays I'm waiting to hear of two things: One is someone gets trampled to death because it was their life long dream to die while being the very first in a store at 6am. The second is to hear the words "war on Christmas." I'm not sure what war this is. As far as I'm aware it is simply people exercising their constitutional right for religious freedom. If Christians don't like people advocating against Christmas Trees and Santas being in department stores, then I would suggest they move to a country that does not have religious freedom. Like China. I'm sure they'll see all the Christmas trees they want while there. Or maybe not. Maybe if they want to see Christmas trees in public places, they should go to Rockefeller Center. There's a big one there.

And if someone is going to push the dilemma on me "What if the tree in Rockefeller Center was wanting to be taken down." My response to that would be if the Supreme Court deemed a tree there was unconstitutional, so be it. But for those Christians who just can't celebrate and be merry without having a tree everywhere, don't worry. The Supreme Court would never make such a liberal decision.

I'm quite tired of these commercials polluting the airwaves, taking Christmas songs that are already stuck in my head and substituting their own cheesy lyrics. "We Dish you a Merry Christmas." "Happy Honda Days." Really? Since these companies are wanting to be so clever with advertising, I've some ideas of my own.

"Do you beer what I beer?" Budweiser.
"Jingle Bells." Trojan condoms. No rewrite needed.
"Frosty the Bank Man" Chase or Bank of America foreclosing houses.
"Wreck the Halls" Any restoration/remodel company.

That's just a few, but you get the idea.

I'm told it's dinner time. That might make some of you hungry.

Blogful for the Thanks

I've been away, it is by no means Monday, a hundred things I meant to write on here but the access was not accessable.

While at the airport (a while ago at this point) I was waiting for my flight and I saw something that just barely pushed me over the edge with raising children. I saw a child attached to a lenthy nylon cord for several feet and at the other end was an incompetent adult's hand. This person has chosen that leashing their child is the only way to keep their kid from running around, scraping their knees and getting lost. Things all children should have the oppurtunity to do. This is essentially no different than treating your child like a pet in my opinion. Was this guy going to pick up his child's poop as well? This kid was probably around 5 or 6. Well within the mental capabilities to understand "sit down" or "stay here" without a leash.

I mentioned this to my wife and she defended this person's choice. She indicated the logistical nightmare of losing your child at an airport. Not only have you lost your child, but there are a thousand people around, with a thousand places they could be at and you have a flight to catch. I easily brushed that aside. "Getting lost at an airport just builds great character." I claimed. "Just look at my oldest brother. He got lost at an airport and now he's getting his PhD."
Living proof defeats theory in debate for me. Law defeats theory. And theory defeats made up stuff like religion. This is the hierarchy of debate. It works.

I would love to write some more, but I can't think of anything to say, despite all the times over the last few weeks where I thought, 'I should blog about that.'

Did I say Happy Thanksgiving? Yeah, that too.

Forensics have a clue

I've done a lot of traveling on the road lately, and I am going to share the things that I have seen. I will warn you though, if you are offended by things easily, such as images displayed in classrooms depicting anatomy of nude, faceless individuals, I would urge you to read this and eat lunch at a Hooters.

Shredded tires. I'm not really sure what to say about this. Either the roads here in Montana are unbearable on tires, or the tires are made with the thickness of rubber bands. My tires are fine, therefore I vote for the latter.

Pinecones. Stupid pinecones, you're never going to sprout there.

A fox. An odd and somewhat unsafe place to sleep. The red goo by your gut looked nice and warm though.

Rivets. When I drive over you, my car makes that ppprrrrrrrrffffffff sound. I like that sound.

Oil cans. That person must have really needed to change their oil in a jiffy. I would recommend Jiffy Lube. Otherwise that would be false advertising.

A hitchiker. You are worth 60 points. You've been warned.

Did I mention I was in Montana? Big state. Big sky. I always thought that was horseshit. But that's why I came here. I can think whatever I want, but I'll only know if I see it for myself. The sky here is indescribable. We have mountains in Washington, but they block the sky. It's rude. Here there seems to be an endless field stretching on, but before it hits the horizon a mountain rises. It is the full effect of a mountain view while seeing an enourmous amount of sky. Even while driving it seems like an ocean I'll drive into, or will something that will eventually envelope the road.

But I'm getting off the mentality of my blog. Or am I? This thing is so unknown and yet evolving, like our nation's political system. We'll never figure it out.

Realm of Unknown Ideas

Bienvenidos!

Para Español es mucho gusto de ocho hablamos.

Sorry. This damn spanish keyboard is acting up on me again. I don´t even know what it just had me type. I´m in Mexico, in case you don´t follow my other blog. But why wouldn´t you follow that? It´s full of fun, happiness, quirky stories and all round good will. This, this. . .online drivel interprets a darker chapter of a larger world.

I´m reading a book right now. That does happen from time to time. It is by far one of the most, if not the most, difficult book I´ve read. I wish I could say it was Gravity´s Rainbow, but alas it is not. This book does not seem to follow the rules of grammer I was taught as a child. I´m used to paragraphs being about one topic, one subject, not five subjects involving fifteen characters. Chapters would be nice to have as well, but those come and go as randomly as aforementioned grammatical rules do. I don´t even know if what I´m reading constitutes as English. Maybe a pigeon english. But I get by, understand a word here and there. It´s getting better.

I´m curious to know what the crime rate in Mexico is. That is non drug related crime rate, which may not be measurable. There are numerous cops here in Tulum, and the reason for the number I can only assume, is to make white people like me feel safe. Unfortunately, I´m too paranoid and untrusting to feel that way, but I´m sure it works for the other tourists, who have their hotel safes broken into. But these cops, I really don´t know what they do. They stand around, maybe eye you as you drive by. You´ll think one of them wants to pull you over, but really he´s just driving around with his lights flashing, perhaps to boost the color spectrum here in Tulum.

If you don´t know where Tulum, Mexico is, I would advise you to look at a map. I´ve always been a big proponent of looking at maps, figuring out where exactly you are. I prefer paper maps, but if you must, google maps will suffice. At least the image isn´t distorted on that. If you don´t know where Mexico is, I would advise you to read...anything. I don´t care if it´s a pamplet about Hooters. You need to grab something and stimulate that pink tissue inside your skull.

I´m sweating. Either this typing stuff is grueling work for me, or the temperature here is rising. I think it´s the typing, so I´ll stop now. Maybe it won´t be three weeks before I do this again.