I killed a bunny yesterday. Not that I meant to, the dumb bunny ran underneath the tire of my car, which is inadvisable to do at 30mph. The sad part is I didn't even swerve to avoid him. I typically don't swerve when I see small animals in the road. First because swerving is dangerous, and second I think the animal has more of a chance to live if I don't swerve. A car's path is usually pretty easy to predict for just about any creature. They usually go along those hard black surfaces at incredible rates, but rarely is any swerving involved. I figure if an animal is dumb enough to run in front of me, then surely they should know where my tires are, and they will continue on their present course along the road. I did just that and this rabbit exploded. I didn't just clip him or anything. It was right over the top of him. Survival of the fittest now includes cognition on the paths of large inanimate objects.
I've been trying to find which vows to use for our wedding. We're not writing our own, fortunately. We hope to find some pre-written words that jumble together to form some sappy sentiments. This will save us from the embarrassment by admitting we wrote them. My primary plan of attack is to find a nice platform to start from and tweak it slightly from there. I'm surprised at how vows are generally unoriginal. Sure, the traditional is nice, but I'm not sure about the words "till death do you part." For those who believe in the afterlife, these words make it sound like the beloved couple will not be reunited after they both die. Is this the church's attempt to let everyone know it's okay to fall in love with someone else, as long as you're dead? Love, cherish, honor and obey are all fine, but drastically overused. As someone who writes on a weekly basis, I strive to use unconventional words for something as a wedding and phrase things in the less traditional sense.
I was thinking how it would be funny to model the vows after movie speeches. You know like "You may take my heart, but you will never take my freedom." I'm not really sure how that one would go over though. In fact, of all the ones I thought, they either don't make sense, or may not go over well.
I also think there are too many vows regarding religion. I know that's the institution that has supported marriage the most for the last 1500 years or so, but some of them make it sound like the people are going to pay more attention to God than they are to each other. What a boring life that must have been.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
12 Gauge Pump Action Lotion Dispenser
It seems that most of my blogs come from things that I have either seen or read. I suppose this means I am alive. I blog therefore I am. Oh Descartes, where would the blogosphere be without you? For that matter, where would Twitter be without you?
I saw a commercial about kids traveling to imaginative lands and these lands resided within the confines of Disney World. It started out with two kids holding sticks while pronouncing Latin words better than an Ancient Roman Senator. Obviously they were wizards within the Harry Potter Universe battling it out to see who would overcome, good or evil. This idea of kids reenacting scenarios from popular media is not new, but seems to have reached a great deal of safety these days. These kids were merely pointing sticks at one another and giving each other a Linguistic lesson. What a boring play time. How can one even tell who's winning when two kids are shooting imaginary spells at each other? Cops and robbers had imaginary bullets, but there seemed to be a great deal of sportsmanship between who shot who first.
Back when I was a kid Star Wars was all the rage. For lightsabers we used sticks, but instead of waving them around in the air, like we were composers at a symphony, we smacked the hell out of each other with them, because that is essentially what they do in the movie. Not only was there an added level of physical harm, but an added level of creativity as well. See, if you get hit by an imaginary spell, like Sectumsempra, all you do is fall down and pretend to wince in pain, but soon you recover and go at it again. On the other hand, if an imaginary lightsaber strikes your wrist, not only do you have a stinging sensation on your wrist, you now effectively no longer have a hand to fight with, as it has been slashed off by the imaginary lightsaber. So now you have to fight with one hand. But it wasn't always the hand, sometimes it was a leg, or an ear and occasionally the head. The point is with each missing appendage, you had to relearn how to fight your opponent.
My brothers were masters at this. They would slash at each other for hours. My oldest brother was always kind, and would let my other brother choose who he wanted to be. Of course he always chose Luke Skywalker which would make my oldest brother Darth Vader. Since Darth Vader was older, taller, stronger and more precise in his attacks than Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader would always win. It was like a remake of the lightsaber fight in Empire Strikes Back, each time a different appendage of Luke's being cut off. The hand, the leg, a stab in the abdomen, and in the extreme remakes, decapitation. The best ones were Luke getting both a hand and a leg sliced off and watching him hop around while swinging his lightsaber stick frantically, hoping for that lucky blow. Alas, our yard did not have a mock central air shaft for Luke to fall down into. I fear in those cases the Empire may have prevailed.
I saw a commercial about kids traveling to imaginative lands and these lands resided within the confines of Disney World. It started out with two kids holding sticks while pronouncing Latin words better than an Ancient Roman Senator. Obviously they were wizards within the Harry Potter Universe battling it out to see who would overcome, good or evil. This idea of kids reenacting scenarios from popular media is not new, but seems to have reached a great deal of safety these days. These kids were merely pointing sticks at one another and giving each other a Linguistic lesson. What a boring play time. How can one even tell who's winning when two kids are shooting imaginary spells at each other? Cops and robbers had imaginary bullets, but there seemed to be a great deal of sportsmanship between who shot who first.
Back when I was a kid Star Wars was all the rage. For lightsabers we used sticks, but instead of waving them around in the air, like we were composers at a symphony, we smacked the hell out of each other with them, because that is essentially what they do in the movie. Not only was there an added level of physical harm, but an added level of creativity as well. See, if you get hit by an imaginary spell, like Sectumsempra, all you do is fall down and pretend to wince in pain, but soon you recover and go at it again. On the other hand, if an imaginary lightsaber strikes your wrist, not only do you have a stinging sensation on your wrist, you now effectively no longer have a hand to fight with, as it has been slashed off by the imaginary lightsaber. So now you have to fight with one hand. But it wasn't always the hand, sometimes it was a leg, or an ear and occasionally the head. The point is with each missing appendage, you had to relearn how to fight your opponent.
My brothers were masters at this. They would slash at each other for hours. My oldest brother was always kind, and would let my other brother choose who he wanted to be. Of course he always chose Luke Skywalker which would make my oldest brother Darth Vader. Since Darth Vader was older, taller, stronger and more precise in his attacks than Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader would always win. It was like a remake of the lightsaber fight in Empire Strikes Back, each time a different appendage of Luke's being cut off. The hand, the leg, a stab in the abdomen, and in the extreme remakes, decapitation. The best ones were Luke getting both a hand and a leg sliced off and watching him hop around while swinging his lightsaber stick frantically, hoping for that lucky blow. Alas, our yard did not have a mock central air shaft for Luke to fall down into. I fear in those cases the Empire may have prevailed.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Firecrackergram
Rush Limbaugh is married. I can't quite conceive of the idea that someone can stand to be married to that guy, much less bear to look at him. He is so physically unattractive I can't even bring myself to consider him to be a member of the same species as myself. If a baboon's ass was it's own species, I would possibly consider him being one of those, but instead he just constantly acts like one.
I've recently been watching TV, and there is a commercial out now that attempts to gain the attention of men over the age of 45. It asks if they haven't been feeling like they used to, when they were in their 20's and 30's and wanted to have drunken wild sex and dance all night. If so, they may have something called LT, which I believe the full name is Lymphotoxin and which I can find very little information on.
I have a question about this commercial; What happened to just getting old? Does that not happen anymore? Does the medical community actually have to diagnose everything? Are you more tired than you used to be? Don't go out with your wife as frequently as you used to? Do you have gray hair? Do you have wrinkles? Of course, unless you're a corpse, this shit happens. No wonder our medical system is so far down the toilet. We waste money on finding diagnoses for symptoms that have always existed since the extinction of the dinosaurs, and dupe people into believing that they have Glutessummissus, which is a sagging of the ass. We get old, our hair grays, our skin wrinkles, and we have less energy. There is nothing wrong with you.
As a response to a comment I had in my previous post, someone, "London Caller" mentioned the correlation between divorce and the more independent women have become over the last fifty or so years. I had thought about this as well as I was writing the blog, but had decided to leave out the theory as I had not done any research on it. I still haven't as I believe the theory is pretty sound and I do not wish to pursue the matter, but I do happen to agree that women in the work force has given rise to divorce. This is to say nothing bad of women, more power to them. It's just astonishing to me how many divorces their are. But there have always been bad marriages, and most likely there always will be, so if you see a chance to get out of one, go for it.
And for one final tidbit, Helen Thomas is no longer a correspondent for the White House, due to some ill advised remarks about the Israelis in Palestine. She can say what she wants, she is entitled to that, but she shouldn't apologize for what she said. It's clear how she feels about the matter and there's no point in apologizing, especially since she retired due to the remarks.
Say what you want, Helen, no one's holding you back. Clearly Rush says what he wants and he is still employed, although I wouldn't call what he does a "living" or even an existence.
I've recently been watching TV, and there is a commercial out now that attempts to gain the attention of men over the age of 45. It asks if they haven't been feeling like they used to, when they were in their 20's and 30's and wanted to have drunken wild sex and dance all night. If so, they may have something called LT, which I believe the full name is Lymphotoxin and which I can find very little information on.
I have a question about this commercial; What happened to just getting old? Does that not happen anymore? Does the medical community actually have to diagnose everything? Are you more tired than you used to be? Don't go out with your wife as frequently as you used to? Do you have gray hair? Do you have wrinkles? Of course, unless you're a corpse, this shit happens. No wonder our medical system is so far down the toilet. We waste money on finding diagnoses for symptoms that have always existed since the extinction of the dinosaurs, and dupe people into believing that they have Glutessummissus, which is a sagging of the ass. We get old, our hair grays, our skin wrinkles, and we have less energy. There is nothing wrong with you.
As a response to a comment I had in my previous post, someone, "London Caller" mentioned the correlation between divorce and the more independent women have become over the last fifty or so years. I had thought about this as well as I was writing the blog, but had decided to leave out the theory as I had not done any research on it. I still haven't as I believe the theory is pretty sound and I do not wish to pursue the matter, but I do happen to agree that women in the work force has given rise to divorce. This is to say nothing bad of women, more power to them. It's just astonishing to me how many divorces their are. But there have always been bad marriages, and most likely there always will be, so if you see a chance to get out of one, go for it.
And for one final tidbit, Helen Thomas is no longer a correspondent for the White House, due to some ill advised remarks about the Israelis in Palestine. She can say what she wants, she is entitled to that, but she shouldn't apologize for what she said. It's clear how she feels about the matter and there's no point in apologizing, especially since she retired due to the remarks.
Say what you want, Helen, no one's holding you back. Clearly Rush says what he wants and he is still employed, although I wouldn't call what he does a "living" or even an existence.
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