Relentless and Unrelated

There is a commercial out right now that is about the joining of M&M's to a pretzel. I perceive this commercial as nothing more than an amusing anecdote about two characters not being happy about one being put inside another. However, my wife sees it as a homosexual innuendo. She claims that both characters are male. I usually don't attribute genders to snacks, but both do speak with male voices. She also pointed out that neither character is happy about this "joining." I told her in a world where bigotry and un-acceptance of minorities is increasingly looked down upon, I would be surprised if the Mars corporation would knowingly and deliberately place a commercial on the airwaves with homophobic messages. She then teased me by asking if I thought M&M's could not be homosexual. My only response was "Well, I sometimes eat reds with reds." We both laughed and never continued the topic.

I'm really not sure if that commercial is supposed to be an innuendo or not, but if it is, then, like I said, I'm surprised.

I'm just glad we now live in a world where we can openly question the sexuality of an M&M. This would've never have happened in the 1950's.

What Else for a Monday?

Out of ten different levels of difficulty, I am a natural champion of chess at level two on the computer. I hope to change this with a newly found amount of time at my disposal, and a book which supposedly teaches one how to be a better chess player.

Although I have gathered a wealth of information from the book I'm reading, applying my newly obtained knowledge has yet to show itself to a great level of observation. I continue to make ridiculous mistakes, like placing my Queen at the cross hairs of two Rooks. What was I thinking? Probably something along the lines of, "if those two Rooks weren't there, that would've been an awesome move!"

It's a tough book to read though. I've never had to multitask while reading a book. You can't learn the concepts of what the book is discussing unless you're following along with a chessboard. It's handy to have a computer with chess on it as resetting and undoing are done with the click of a button.

Any way, in time my skills will be amazing, as will my idiotic mistakes.

I heard someone died today after driving their segway off a cliff. I'm not sure if this was a suicide, or someone thought they had an updated flying version of a segway, which does not exist. I give this individual points for creativity, but dock him points for stupidity. After the tally, I see him no different in my eyes than before I heard the story.

Yes, I give points to people for their spectacular deaths. Cold? Maybe. But I learn from their failures. Or maybe I don't. It would never occur to me to be a good idea to drive a segway off a cliff.

Now I must go and pour some gasoline down my chimney to get ready for the winter.

I Would State the Obvious

One thing I have noticed about Food Network is that is doesn't really teach or show you how to cook. At least not entirely. You can certainly get a pretty good damn certainty about things and you might be able to impress your parents or your dog if cooking is not something that's a high priority in your life. What Food Network does, I think, is show who good cooks are and who bad cooks are. For example, Sandra Lee is a terrible cook.

Rachel Ray is an Oprah wannabe. Just an Oprah with food. She can't start a show called "Rachel's Vacation" put it on the air and say that is her vacation. She's working. It's not a vacation. Also she doesn't have to bore me any more by showing me these great places she's visiting and touring because she's so successful with her crappy cooking.

Someone who cooks is Alton Brown. Not only does he cook, but explains the scientific processes involved on why it tastes good. That's like having a science teacher who knows science and explains it, instead of just reading from the book and when asked, "Why?" they retort, "We'll get to that later."

As far as Anthony Bourdain, I'm pretty sure I watch him just to see if he is going to sleep with some random local. I still have to figure out why he has a disclaimer before his show. Are people who watch Food Network overly sensitive? Can they not take some gruff, older cook who detests some of the younger generation polluting his field of art?

Ina Garten can cook, but I get really tired of her walks and her friends and that garden of vegetables.

Bobby Flay. Flay? Really? That's his last name? I can't stand him. He sticks to traditional styles and loses to every competition he is in on his show. How come I can't have a show off this format?

That Hot Italian girl. That's it. I just watch her. I have no memory of what she has prepared or cooked. I remember once she licked chocolate off her fingers. That was a good episode.

Julia Child most certainly can cook but she appears to be a disaster waiting to happen, like everything is going to crash to the floor and she'll use her kitchen towel to clean everything up and throw it in the oven.

It's almost Tuesday, that was close.

Flash of Credentials

I'm not sure how much I have today.

With my my wisdom teeth removal I was graced with a prescription of Vicodin. Although I feel no pain and the buzzed feeling I get is certainly appreciated, it leaves my mind mostly empty. Although it won't say so on the bottle, I'm confident a severe side effect is playing Chess like a little girl plays with her doll house. Although I've barely written one paragraph, I've already made several mistakes.

And to think I've gone to work on this stuff. The amount I accomplished while there was impressive now that I'm reflecting upon my present state.

Don't worry, there was no driving while on Vicodin. I either took it after I got to work or after I got home. Just to suppress all the fears of those worrywarts out there.

Since Colleen and I have both had our wisdom teeth removed, the narcotics that are in our possession is the most I think either one of us have ever had. The profit value isn't nearly enough to run the risk of getting caught, so we'll most likely take it to Europe with us as a precaution. If someone sprains an ankle some Vicodin would come in handy.

I usually don't blog about work and I won't go into specifics, but for those of you who work with me, I've made a haiku to commemorate this event.

You Have Been Beat Out
Infantile Behavior
You Are Dead To Me

And with the Vicodin, I've got nothing left.

A Likeness of Differences

On my birthday I heard of a practice, or lack there of, that certain religions, or maybe just a cult of an even larger cult does not celebrate birthdays. I had to ask why. It seemed silly to me that in a world where birthdays are practically universally celebrated a certain group would choose not to do that. I was told because it was a celebration, or acknowledgment, of someone lesser than God. That's fine. As I don't believe in God, I don't really have to worry about such trifle matters. But to those who do believe in God, more specifically those who choose not to acknowledge beings before God, I think those folks are going about that practice in the wrong way.

They have a good start. But if celebrating a birthday is blasphemous because it recognizes someone before God, these people might as well go all the way with that belief. They should be just absolute complete pricks about it. They should not even say "Hello" to people upon seeing them as that is an acknowledgment, or greeting, of a being other than God. They should just pass silently through our "lesser" world, ignore us, go to church and die. It would make my life easier as they wouldn't try to convert me, or even have me be aware of their delusional beliefs.

I was thinking the other day about Dante's "Inferno." If you haven't read it, you should. "The Inferno" is a satire of sorts of modern day politics. It's hard to get a grip on the humor 700 years after the fact, but one of the things Dante writes about is how alchemists are in Hell for various reasons. Part of the reason is they try to turn various metals to gold, which is against nature. I'm not sure if it's alchemists or some other profession of that day, but people who predict the future are in Hell. Their specific punishment is their heads are on backwards in Hell as punishment as always trying to see forward in time. They can only see what's behind them, not in front of them. (you may see where the humor comes in at this point).

I was wondering if modern meteorologists, according to "The Inferno," are destined to Hell for the same reason. You may recall a previous blog of mine about weathermen. If Dante is right, I certainly have no problem with this. My reasoning is that weathermen predict the future. They may not prophesize about major political events to come but they do predict the future. A friend of mine disagreed with me. He said they gather scientific evidence to evaluate the most probable weather pattern. I wondered how that is not a prediction. I asked him how he would define "prediction" and he replied, "not in the way I responded." Naturally I disagreed. It seems to me if someone estimates an outcome that has not yet happened, then that is a prediction. Regardless of how you came about the estimation, or outcome, if it pertains to something possibly happening in the future it is a prediction.

Marriam-Webster defines "Predict" as: "to declare or indicate in advance; especially : foretell on the basis of observation, experience, or scientific reason.

I feel I have made my case to the world. I would enjoy seeing how a response to that would be formulated.

Free Blogs with Internet

I grow tired of conservatives. Specifically the neo-conservatives, not the conservatives who have logical, pre-determined ideas of what being a conservative means. Enough of this Mosque talk. If you don't agree, move to another country. If you don't understand, read the First Amendment to our Constitution. It's simple. And since the WTC or 9/11 site is so "sacred" why don't we remove all the tattoo parlors, strip joints and bars from the surrounding area? Maybe if we do that, I'll actually start to think New Yorkers and Americans will actually think this is "sacred ground" instead of just saying that for bullshit reasons.

The neo-consevatives are such a self contradicting group, that if you take everything they've said and listen to it in a one day period, an intelligent person would be left with absolutely no clue on what to do next, because everything they say they eventually go back on.

Surround yourself with smart people, you'll get a good view of the world. Surround yourself with idiots, you'll become one.

Fortunately, I have enough faith in the human race that I believe although the chatter is loud, that is pretty much all it is. Those with the loudest voice are not usually the ones representing the view of the majority. The best thing that anyone can do when they meet someone who actually believes the delusional bullshit polluting the airwaves is ask "Why do you believe that?" or "Why do you think that?" It's a simple question and it leaves those without facts completely aimless on what to say or do next. "Because Rush Limbaugh said so." is not a valid answer. Ask the person what they think for themselves and you'll find they most likely have not done such a thing for the last ten years.

This is who the Neo-conservatives prey upon. Uneducated, lower class white people who are afraid of the sharks in the neighborhood pool. There are no sharks in the pool. But their are if you tell these people that.

Iran has determined mullets to be unlawful. As silly as this is, it is a law I agree with. Good job, Iran. Way to force better hairdos and style upon your populace. The mullet is one unfortunate consequence from freedom of expression.

Blink Before You Read

I have found that my blog posts have an amazing ability. Most of the comments that I receive are from some very wonderful characters that I have previously been introduced to. Richard Kimble, Buster Bluth, even myself from the future. Up until now I have not been familiar with any device or method that could make fictional characters come to life and actually talk to me. I should be elated to make this discovery, and be the cause on why these beings are coming to life. However, these characters are not my favorites from the world of film and television. The Man With No Name from the spaghetti westerns would be interesting to talk to about his view of today's world. Hannibal Lecter would provide a great psychological/historical/philosophical dialogue before getting too hungry. Gandalf the Grey would be extremely entertaining to have around. One thing I am pleased to know is that some point in the future, I will have found a way to travel through time, at lease through cyberspace. I look forward to that day.

There is a new dog in the house for a short amount of time. This one is more pleasant due to its lack of activity. I can't even tell if the dog likes me, but she at least tolerates me sitting by her while petting her back. She's had several names at this point, but I'm calling her Keanu, after Keanu Reeves. And not because I like the actor that much, but because at any one point it is impossible to tell what exactly she is feeling. She sits on the floor, the couch, eats, sleeps, walks around and watches TV all with the exact some expression, poise, and posture. If Keanu has been successful as he has been, this dog could be a jackpot for a producer with no ideas and half a brain.

Which reminds me, I saw "The Expendables" this past weekend. Thank God someone finally knows how to make an action flick. For any one in Hollywood, watch this movie and take a hint. Also understand that when a movie is rated R, it's not because the director and editor fucked up and accidentally left too gory of a scene. It's rated R because it's action. There should be bones breaking, body parts flying and blood spraying. If you want to see a movie that squirts testosterone like an orange squirts juice, then go see this. If you're a pansy ass, I think "Salt" is still playing.