The Lackadaisical Jogathon

Over the past year, my eyes have quickly been opened to the facade of American life. When I was a child, I was raised with the idea that the goal to life, the ultimate finish line, was to marry a nice girl, have some children, buy a nice house and live life at a leisurely pace. All the while the family is more cheery than the Brady Bunch. And I would accuse shows like the Brady Bunch of putting on this facade.

In reality, I've noticed something quite different. That picturesque lifestyle with the house and nice lady are pretty established no matter where you go in this country. Even the children are pretty ubiquitous. But within the walls of most of these houses is something far different than The Brady Bunch. First off I don't really see children playing outside anymore. I see them walking, I see them talking, but what happened to the kids, like my brother, who would climb trees in their new white dress pants and get their mom angry? Don't kids fall and break their arms anymore? Are they playing video games that often? Or are their parents so protective that when the child grows up to be the adult they become, they will have no self confidence? Or are the parents so pushy on having their child be an overachiever that the poor kid has no time or thoughts to themselves?

And the happy married couple? What couples? Everyone is getting divorced today it seems. The norm now is for a kid to have divorced parents and instead of his friends asking "what is he doing this weekend?" It's now "Whose house are you staying at this weekend?"

So why the facade? It's clearly not typical American life, (though I did experience a pretty close application of such an upbringing). And the mere existence of this facade does not promote the real life version. American families aren't exactly close with each other. That's the real impression I get. Perhaps it's because this country grew up in the modern age, perhaps it's just part of our identity, after all, our ancestors migrated away from their ancestors. But this facade, it doesn't exist. At least not to a large extent. So what is the American Family really like? Poor? Rich? Busy? Lazy? At this point I have no idea. All I have is my idea of how to bring my own family together, when I have one, and what to do with each passing moment. I don't plan on divorce being in the plan. I plan on overcoming obstacles. That's the way I was raised.

The Flip Side of the Dark Side

I wonder if a police officer, while driving in their patrol car, would wish that everyone would just start driving crazy. Not to pull any one over, but just to change things up a bit. Because when you're driving near a police officer you try to do everything perfect. You check your blind spot, look in your rear view mirror, start to move that lever up or down to begin that annoying clicking sound to indicate you will not resume your present course (what was that thing called again)? And you come to complete stops at stop signs, even if it is completely unnecessary. Sometimes I wonder if an officer says to themselves "Just drive through the damn intersection! It's an all stop! Just roll through it like you normally do, it's more efficient and it saves gas!"

I kind of doubt it, but the thought is amusing.

I was eating at a fast food restaurant the other day, actually I went through the drive through and after ordering they told me to pull up to the second window. Why is it the second window? Why not the first? And why are there two windows when every restaurant I drive through only uses the popular second one? As a kid I just thought it was the remnant of some system that was now obsolete. But restaurants are still being constructed with this ubiquitous second window. And I still never use the first. It's odd.

Actually, just a couple of days ago I got to use a first window. It was at McDonalds at 1:30 in the morning.

Why was I at McDonald's at 1:30 in the morning?
Don't ask questions, just listen to the story.

They told me to drive up to the first window. I did and handed them some plastic, which they promptly returned. Then I waited, and waited. And waited. Until I saw a paper bag being waved at me from the second window. Apparently I had been caught off guard by this revolutionary two window system. I pulled forward and grabbed my food.

"Why didn't you tell me to pull up to the second window?" I asked.
The man in the adorable outfit replied, "This is the way it's always been."

What planet was I on again? What rebellious institution had I decided to invest time and money into?

I curtly responded, "Well that may be, but you still need to let me know."

I peeled away. I have no patience for poor customer service. Not that I was expecting anything great from McDonald's, it's sort of the Walmart of fast food, but at least tell me where I can get my food. It is the one thing I do expect after all. It's like going to a gas station and they've hidden all the gas pumps from you. It's rude.

This is not to Code

I was watching CSI: Miami the other day, thoroughly not enjoying it, and paying particular attention to how rigid and robotic David Caruso is. Whether it is his character, or his acting ability, it needs to be undone. He makes the show painful. Until I started imagining that David Caruso's character was a robot from the future, sent back to help solve crimes. And it was amazing how well it all fit. The show became much better after I made that fictional leap.

CSI: Las Vegas is really the only decent one out there, and it needs to be canceled at this point. No Gus Grissom? It's like an Indiana Jones without an Indiana Jones or a Bond film without James Bond. It will never be the same. The same goes for Law and Order. That shit needs to stop.

But since I have no doubt CBS and NBC are going to do nothing but continue these overdone series, I have a few suggestions for new Law and Order shows. I have a suggestions for new CSI shows as well, but all you have to do is blindly place your finger on a map and see what city you're closest to. New ideas for Law and Order shows are below:

Law & Order: WWII (World War II)
Law & Order: WWJD (What Would Jesus Decide)
Law & Order: IS! (In Space!)

And I will end with the space idea, because when a producer runs out of ideas, all they do is put whatever preexisting situation people are watching and puts it in space. That's what NBC should have done with ER. Can you imagine chasing a heart in zero G in the middle of a transplant and the doctors only have minutes to save some poor space janitor's life? That's great television.

Now go back to watching TV. You have no idea how much crap you missed by reading me.

We Have the Right to be Intelligent

Okay so I know this is sort of old news at this point, but that's the downside to once weekly posts. Unless you have absolutely no cares about the outside world, you have undoubtedly heard of the attempted bombing in Times Square in New York.

Fortunately no one was hurt and a suspect has been caught. Unfortunately the idiots who try to make this world a more unbearable place to live in every day are screaming about things they have no knowledge about. Why is it such a big deal that this guy was read his Miranda Rights? I know he's a suspected terrorist and people don't exactly want to give him a big warm hug right now, and I'm in agreement with this feeling. I have very little sympathy for terrorists. But the simple fact remains, the guy has rights. Just like you and I, he is to be tried in a court of law, innocent until proven guilty and read his Miranda Rights. In fact, if he had not been read his Miranda Rights, he would go free.

Yes, I know, profound isn't it?

It is a constitutional right for each person to be read their rights upon being arrested and if that does not happen, the case is extremely liable to be thrown out and the suspect, of which most know is guilty, goes free. People who have been under arrest have been read their Miranda Rights incorrectly have gone free. People who were not read their Miranda Rights immediatly upon being arrested and instead on the car ride to the police station have gone free. So if you're shouting about Faisal Shahzad and how he has no rights, shut up. You're stupid, you don't know what you're talking about and all you're trying to do is help this guy blow up parts of the United States. And by that logic, I could call you a terrorist.

This Miranda Rights stuff is so rediculous, even Glenn Beck agrees Shahzad should be read his rights. Glenn Beck is a man I rarely agree with. For once, I applaud you Mr. Beck. Hopefully you've enlightened thousands of your constantly illinformed audience.

Not only do I agree Faisal Shahzad has rights, I also agree with his taste. He was using a Nissan Pathfinder. Do you have any idea how reliable those things are? I drove a 17 year old pathfinder around for two years, and if it were up to me I still would be if someone hadn't broadsided me early last year and totaled the whole thing. Of course, a Pathfinder isn't very reliable after you use it to blow up Times Square, but asian made cars can only go so far. But much farther than American made cars.

False Alarm

Well despite my best efforts, I just can't bring myself to write today. Maybe what's going on isn't interesting me, or maybe the fact that I worked 12 hours today is sucking what motivation I had today out of me.

I would recommend checking back in a day or two.

I will leave you with hope.